Stalking Fillers

16 May

Words / Lou Andrews

SPOILER ALERT – This article may contain spoilers!

Don’t be fooled by the title people…Baby Reindeer is no heart-warming festive feel-good romp!

It’s a brutally open and honest account of one man’s entangled relationship with his stalker. Richard Gadd created Baby Reindeer based on his own life experiences, not only with stalking, but there are also harrowing scenes of his own sexual abuse at the hands of a bigshot comedy writer. To top it all off, he also plays the lead (himself), Donnie Dunn. Having watched it, I think that’s also a very endearing element, I wonder if it was somewhat cathartic to Gadd. To walk in those same shoes, but at a safe distance. To have that control element that he didn’t have back then.

There is no singular blame here and that’s the point. In some ways both Donnie and Martha needed each other.

It’s a very impacting show, one of which is not for the faint-hearted due to its darkened edges, but nonetheless a story that needed to be told, and it’s told with a great degree of empathy for both Donnie and also his stalker Martha (played superbly by Jessica Gunning). It cuts straight through the middle. There is no singular blame here and that’s the point. In some ways both Donnie and Martha needed each other. They both filled an empty void in each other’s lives, one that was carved by the wrong doings of others. As twisted as it may seem, there is understanding in that and maybe somehow it’s what drew them to each other in the first place, although I must admit I will think twice before I offer someone a free cup of tea in the future!

Stalking is very real and for those effected by it, it consumes their whole lives and the lives of those close to them, yet its not discussed very often and when it is, it usually involves someone famous. It can happen to anyone and Gadd’s story highlights this. According to an article on police-foundation.org.uk, its estimated that 1.2 million women and 900k men are victims of stalking every year in England and Wales. That’s a staggering figure, just let that sink in for a minute…and it’s a figure that is rising! Police.UK defines stalking as when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that makes you feel scared, distressed or threatened and it IS an offence under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, so please do report it if you feel you are being stalked. If you are unsure how to recognise it, there are FOUR signs: F–ixated, O-bsessive, U–nwanted and R–epeated. There is plenty of help available for these situations and there are some useful links for you at the end of the article.

What I find equally interesting is that there is a small element of social stalking that we all do and has become normal in our world. ‘Surely not!’ I hear you say. Well, think about it…how many times have you heard friends openly talk about Facebook/Instagram stalking? In fact, its likely many of you reading this will have done this at some point! Looking through someone’s profile to see what they have been doing and who they were with…what they’ve been eating etc. It’s the norm these days, and that social media element has no doubt become a very useful tool to stalkers because they can now track your every move, infiltrate your circle of friends, places you like to go.

And sadly, that is now what people have done to the ’real’ Martha. It seems ironic that a story about someone being stalked had turned so many cyber sleuths out there into stalkers themselves! I mean honestly, what the actual...?! People have tracked who they think it is down and now she is getting death-threats and all sorts of unsavoury messages. Then there’s that very questionable interview with Piers Morgan, which served as nothing more than further click bait. I won’t share any details, because quite frankly I think it’s a very sad thing to have happened. I don’t understand how anyone that has watched that story would think it would give any benefit to anyone in tracking any of these characters down. That wasn’t the point of the show.

It was never about punishing her or showing her in a negative light. It was simply about telling his truth and she was a part of that truth.

Gadd intended his story to show Martha’s ‘emotional truth’ as he very eloquently put it. It was never about punishing her or showing her in a negative light. It was simply about telling his truth and she was a part of that truth. And the story should have ended there. So please down tools people and stop digging, there’s no treasure to be found from this one.

Snt from mi iPhone