Sweet Freedom

Words / Lou Andrews

A little tale of loss, insecurity and how one night of karaoke turned fear into fun and anxiety into determination...

Somewhere deep in the heart of Surrey tonight, there is a strange sound ricocheting through the streets. A noise proving to be so potent that it is keeping the residents awake. A sound you may well liken to a gang of anti-social mewing cats…but oh no, wait…it’s just Karaoke at The Light in Redhill! Now, whether you are an avidly willing performer or a closet crooner, everyone loves a good sing-along…except for me…or at least so I thought. Many years ago I was a singer and I performed in various venues in and around London. I was always hugely critical of my trade and put pressure on myself to be the best I could. Karaoke was never fun for me, because people always had expectations. I could never have been one of those footloose, crazed aunties at wedding, kicking their feet out of time to I Will Survive! No, for me it was serious stuff. Major mood killer. 

I must say I grieved not only for my mum, but for my one true love…music. I wouldn’t even remotely try to sing, because I couldn’t bear the fact that my voice wouldn’t sound perfect anymore!

Then, when I was 26, my mum passed away and the fragility of it all went straight to my voice. I know right…bummer! It affected my speaking voice and my singing one too, so I had to stop. I must say I grieved not only for my mum, but for my one true love…music. I wouldn’t even remotely try to sing, because I couldn’t bear the fact that my voice wouldn’t sound perfect anymore! I was scared. Years went by and eventually I guess I just became accustomed to the fact that I was no longer a singer. The dust settled on my old faithful Shure microphone, left sat in its stand as if the life had gone out of it. 

They are genuinely an incredibly open, nice, non-judgemental bunch of people. They couldn’t care less if I sounded like fox on heat! That gave me strength, because if they didn’t care, then why should I, right?

So, I obviously avoided Karaoke at all costs…until now. I had been invited out for the evening for drinks with five people from my work, which I eagerly accepted.  It was then suggested that we book a karaoke booth at The Light. Unbelievably, I found myself agreeing…and not making weak excuses like ‘my cat’s unwell’!  As it got nearer to the time, I still didn’t feel anxious about it…I just went along looking forward to seeing my friends. This was progress. We met in a bar first and after a couple of cocktails and numerous hilarious conversations we headed towards The Light (unfortunate name when you add it to a sentence like that!). As we were walking there, I realised that I felt totally comfortable with the people I was with. They are genuinely an incredibly open, nice, non-judgemental bunch of people. They couldn’t care less if I sounded like fox on heat! That gave me strength, because if they didn’t care, then why should I, right? And I think that runs parallel in life too – we are always our biggest critics, but why should we worry? 

Natalie then decided to do Hit Me With Your Best Shot and before I knew it, I was singing along in the background at the top of my voice…and it was FUN!

As we got to The Light we were shown to our room. It was a new establishment so everything looked clean and ‘unharmed’ as of yet. It was well-equipped too. In the corner stood a large Karaoke machine (touch screen of course!) and there were two mics ready to go. A large screen hung on the wall waiting to spring into action…and it didn’t have to wait for long. We had barely got in the door when the first song was put on. No hesitation, just straight in….my kind of people!  

Natalie then decided to do Hit Me With Your Best Shot and before I knew it, I was singing along in the background at the top of my voice…and it was FUN! I felt oddly free. Free to make a complete tool out of myself if I wanted to…and that freedom tastes sweet!  The night went on like this and we were so busy singing, we didn’t even drink very much! It was massively funny too. Dave did an unmentionable rendition of The Spice Girls – Two Become One (Paul commented that he looked like he was doing a Ted Talk!), Helen rocked a little bit of Avril Lavigne and at one point I found myself quite literally on my knees performing I Touch Myself by the Divinyls with a confused looking Paul. You couldn’t hear the song at one point through the infectious cackle of Timi’s laugh in the background! Too funny. There were countless duos too; Jar Of Hearts, Olivers Army and I got to perform the Bradley Cooper part to Shallow with the Yin to my vocal Yan, Natalie (I’ve always had an oddly low voice for some reason).  

When the night ended, I have to say I was gutted.  But, I left that place feeling taller (and I’m only 5ft so I needed that!) and like I could achieve anything, because essentially when you are comfortable enough with yourself not to care, its liberating. So, what am I saying? I’m saying get yourself out there and don’t be afraid. Whatever that may be. Nothing is as scary as the pressure we put on ourselves; how we look, how we feel…how we sound! And does it really matter? If you like music, then find yourself a Karaoke booth…even if you go on your own. You won’t regret it. 

Since that day I have started writing songs again…and I don’t care if they are rubbish ones either, because I’m enjoying it again! Haha.  

To my Karaoke family; this one’s for you!  

Big love

Lou x